Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Sign of the Apocalypse: Male Butt Enhancing Undies


Sigh.  Yet another sign that we are near the end: male butt enhancing underwear.  I do not think this is horrendous merely because it is for men.  I sigh for the female equivalent equally.  

I am enthusiastically anticipating brand-name rolled up socks for crotchial enhancement, for which at that point I will pray a rosary every day.

lhp

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Best (Short) Piece of Fiction You Will Read This Week

The plot: A lonely High School AP English teacher is proposed to by one of his students.

It is worth your 20 minutes: Read it.

Sidenote: This was written by a guy who was himself a HS English teacher. After its publication, he was given a tw0-book deal, became a full-time writer, and this piece, The Smoker, was bought out to make into a movie, which will come out next year with Natalie Portman as the bold student.

It is all about quality, not quantity, now aint it?

lhp

Monday, April 21, 2008

Dixie Chicks/Bluegrass=Good Running Music

I found out today that listening to upbeat Dixie Chicks tracks, or upbeat bluegrass of most kind, is awesome running music.

I figure it has to do with the fact that it makes you feel like you are in that Forrest Gump scene where he is running away from the pickup truck.  You know, it gives you that running in the middle of the field feeling.

Try it:

Dixie Chicks-Lubbock or Leave It



Lonesome Highway-Rain Please Go Away



Earl Scruggs & The Chieftains-Sally Goodin'


Will my manliness fall a few points for praising the Dixie Chicks? So be it.

lhp

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Hillary Clinton: In her own words

This is simply irrefutable.  Please spread this around.




lhp

Monday, April 14, 2008

American Politics 101 in 2008


Anyone following the primaries in both parties for at least a month can call themselves a political analyst.  If you have followed it the whole way through, you have just earned a masters in American politics.

The long, hard-fought slough in both parties, especially the still ongoing one on the Democratic side, has fleshed out in a few months what would take a year's course to cover.  Blue-states, red-states, proportional representation, delegates, political culture and history in each state, convention-speak, superdelegates, party rules, race in politics, public relations or 'spin', campaign finance, fundraising, etc etc.

McCain has shown us the importance of strategic campaigning; Guiliani showed us what a failed political strategy can do, even if you were perceived as the front-runner by default; Huckabee showed us the power of playing up your strengths; Edwards showed us populism is on the decline, and mostly shunned, in american politics; Obama is showing us the power of the 'outsider' and political momentum; Clinton is showing us what political connections can do and the risk with having a long political history. Oh yeah, Kucinich showed us you can't win if you are a vegetarian and your wife has her tongue pierced.

If anything will come out of this election, it will be a much more educated populace.  People will now have at least an idea of what is meant by 'pledged delegates' and 'party rules'.  They will be able to discuss momentum as anyone on CNN could.  In all, they will have received an honorary degree in Political Science.  And yes, it IS a science.

lhp

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

3DP: Gandhi Did It: Day 10


Gandhi was sure a big shot.

He went on doing what I am doing for over a month. That is just wrong. I mean, he is making me look like a jackass over here.

A few words on what I have observed thus far:
-Eating only what I have eaten makes you feel very "springy". You feel very light and that you can jump from one wall to the next. Unfortunately, you also feel like you want to eat the person next to you and that you would except for the fact that you are so so weak.

-Fruit and nuts make you smaller. My size, in just 10 days, has dropped. My body feels about 5 lbs lighter. Buuuut, it is not. I am actually about a pound over what I weighed before the 3dp started. Why? I am losing muscle and mass, but retaining fat. I am also losing water, so stubborn fat is disappearing. Because fruits have fructose (sugar stuff) in them, that raises your insulin level. This raise in insulin tells your body "Woa, woa there, you are in crisis here, body, so lock up the fat you got to get ready for winter". So it does. A raise in insulin level tells your body to retain fat. Muscle deteriorates basically because I am not getting a lot of protein in, or a lot of carbs in. Mass and muscle feed off both.

-You will be regular in no time doing this. I don't think I need to draw you a diagram, here.

lhp

Thursday, April 03, 2008

The Life Aquatic: Too Much Wes In Wes Anderson


I love The Royal Tenenbaums. I love The Darjeeling Limited. I love Bottle Rocket, and of course, really like Rushmore. So when I came up with the chance to complete my Wes Anderson viewing experience, and watch the movie many of my friends just LOVE, I had high expectations.

Wes Anderson is like the Coen Brothers. You come to expect something from him. When his work is not up the Wes standard, you know it, he knows it, and everyone else will probably not get the difference. Take The Ladykillers, for example. It had mixed reviews amongst critics, calling it a stepback for the Coens. But because it was so un-Coen, because it lacked so much of their vivid storytelling abilities, their naturally quirky characters you have met time and again in your life, and because Tom Hanks was trying to replicate George Clooney in O, Brother, Where Art Thou?, the movie was decently received by the audiences. To most people, this movie was just like most of the movies they are used to: decent. It had decently funny dialogue, decently crafter characters, and decent plot twists. You could see it coming, and you could see the characters as just characters. A few quirks sprinkled in to make the movie 'different', but not too much to pigeonhole it as unique. That is so not Coen.

Now, The Life Aquatic. Wes Anderson is still not a profitable filmmaker (his movies so far have made as much as they have cost). People work with him and invest in his projects because they see him as something they want to be a part of, sort of like being part of the early punk rock wave in the late 70's, or buying Monet for the sake of having a Monet to show to friends. He uses many of the same actors in his films (Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman, Anjelica Houston, "Pagoda", Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson, etc.). He loves music and knows it well enough to enhance his movies by pairing them beautifully. The agonies and tragic comedies in families are his favorite subjects to explore. Oh, and his characters all smoke, pretty much.

He has crafter a world for himself and for his fans. I am one of them. I believe he is an amazing auteur director, and he style is immediately recognizable. However, then came The Life Aquatic. This movie is stamped all over with a 'Wes' rubber stamp. So much so that you can't get to see an actual movie. It is a movie that is so caught up in being the "It" thing, that it fails to engage audiences, elicit genuine laughs, or make us care about any of the characters. Wes turns himself to 11 in this movie, and for those who have watched his work, it feels very self-contrived.
I watched the featurette that came with the dvd, "Starz on the set". In it, Wes talks about how he has thought about this film for about 8 years. Ever since Rushmore, he says, was he pitching this idea to Murray. It definitely shows. The movie looks like it went through at least 4 runs of making it quirky and odd, just for the hell of it. Meanwhile, the genuine performance by Murray, Houston, and William Dafoe, are overshadowed, because end up just not caring about it. Owen Wilson and Cate Blanchett are not at the top of their game in this movie. It might have to do with the fact that they both feel out of place, even Wilson, a Wes-veteran. Wilson is pegged into a character that is not compelling and is pretty boring to even listen to, while Blanchett is trying to push out the one-dimensional reporter she was given to play. Even the music is felt forced. What would make even the music different? Hmm...let's have David Bowie songs played in Portuguese! That makes sense.

Why do more people love this, rather than the other four, far superior Wes productions? Many of them have never even heard of the other four, except for Rushmore. I believe it is because of the same reason studio executives like to invest in their own Monet, Wes Anderson. Audiences know this movie is different, but they don't see just how unnaturally different it is. They might say they like it, and make themselves believe it, because they want to reassure everyone that they too appreciate a Monet. The other four might be less immediate in making you feel you are watching something truly special, but they should be given a chance.

I am happy to know that Wes went back to better form with Darjeeling Limited after this stepback. It is also refreshing to see that the Coen Brothers made No Country For Old Men after their own stepback. Apparently, for these three geniuses, a slump lasts only as long as they let it. After they give themselves a swift kick in the crotch, they regain their composure. But please, next time, warns us you will kick us in the crotch also.

lhp

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

30 Day Project: Gandhi Did It.


So, the new 3DP is here. But before I delve into what this one will be about exactly, a few lessons learned from the previous.

I noticed that as soon as this became a 'commitment', the joy that came with it dropped exponentially. I am not sure if it is because it was forced, or maybe because it ended up taking a toll on me, with the fever and the cramped schedule. The mere fact that this became something I had to do, in a contract with myself, the joy that came with writing and swimming that I had felt before was replaced with lack of will.

On a positive note, I was able to do what I thought I couldn't physically and mentally. I could swim for a good amount of time, and felt only slightly tired, and I wrote on a whim more than I could 4 years ago with such little preparation. My self-assumed limitations were tested, and beaten.

Now, on to the new 3DP: Gandhi did it!

For the whole month of April, I will embark on the experiment Gandhi tried, and almost died trying: A fruitarian diet. For more than a month, Gandhi and some of his followers took upon a strict diet that made them all bed-ridden. Gandhi had to break his vow to never drink cow's milk after a doctor told him he had to, or he would die. He eventually drank goat's milk, but he knew, from what he wrote in his autobiography, that the vow had been broken.

Gandhi was a vegetarian most of his life. But he embarked on this dietary experiment as a part of his many experiments with his body when it came to food. He used to say that what we eat makes us into what we are. He noted that this diet made his more peaceful, removed almost all sexual desire, and clarified his mind like never before.

So, that I will do.

I can only eat:
-Fruits
-Nuts
-Water

And to avoid the bed-ridden outcome Gandhi had, I will add:

-Dairy

Ok. Since I actually want to finish this, I will add two more things that will make it livable for me, thereby giving me a better chance of making it through the 30 days:

-Coffee
-Alcohol.

I know these go against the purity of the diet, but they will be used sparingly, almost like rewards.

I did this Monday, Tuesday, and am still on it today. So far, three days down.

As far as it has gone, I haven't felt anything groundbreaking, other than I feel very hydrated from the 20 gallons of water I drink a day. I tend to make a swishing sound when I walk.

lhp